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(Gregory : early 30’s German):
"Hi, my name is Gregory and I appreciate anyone taking the time to read about my experiences living and adapting to life in Japan. I hope some may find it interesting, informative or at the very least, amusing. I wanted to only share with you all my findings and hopefully to intrigue some discussion or facilitate the exchanging of ideas. I do not, in any way, want my views or stories to be taken as merely complaints of Japan as that is not my intent.
There are 4 main areas that I would like to highlight in order to show the cultural difficulties "gaijins" face in their life while living in Japan.
1. Relationship struggles : Expectations and Money
2. Building a "happy home" : Adapting
3. Corporate Expectations : Your company owns you
4. Different is not good : Learning to be someone else
Chapter 1: Expectations and Money
It was 6 years ago that I met my wife "Takako" at a bar in Berlin while she was currently a Junior in University. We were inseparable from the very start and the entire first year we dated was a magical carpet ride. She and I completely understood one another and we both deeply and implicitly accepted whom the other person was. Never did I say or imply that she had to change nor did she do the same to me. All was perfect in our very own fairy tale adventure.
Though we both knew there was a possibility that she would return to Japan after college, she eased the concerns maybe blindly by saying she would try to stay and find a job after graduation. Looking back, I think we should have had a real and honest conversation, but we never really went deep into this conversation as we wanted the "dream" to continue. Month by month, week by week, day by day, we were eventually faced with the harsh reality that she was leaving. Of course, we told one another we would keep in touch and try to make our relationship work, but deep in the back of our minds, we knew the reality of keeping a long distance relationship intact was not exactly impossible but not likely.
Oceans and deserts apart, we continually communicated through skype and facebook. We both knew to make the relationship work, either she had to move to Germany or I had to move to Japan. For her, however, coming to Germany was not an option as she had concerns of finding a job with limited experience/communication skills combined with the fact that her parents didn’t allow her to live on her own since she was only 23 at the time.
As for me, I had a career I loved and also didn’t want to leave my family and friends, though in my heart, I wanted to be with her. In Germany if it were at all possible but given that was unlikely, I knew I had to make this sacrifice. My biggest concern was how I would be able to find a job and start a new life in a foreign country which I have never been.
Takako kept telling me that it would be easy for me to find a job and in the worst case situation, I could get a job working at an English conversation school that would provide a stable salary but much less than I was making. She told me not to worry as she would also be working and we could share a life together.
I knew that a life without her was for me a life that I didn’t want. Therefore, I gave my company advanced notice and got my affairs in order for my new adventure with Takako.
When I arrived Japan, I stayed at a guest house to give myself time in finding an apartment but it was ridiculous how difficult it was ( I will explain more in detail in Chapter 2)
to be continued next month…
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